Get Unstuck: How Psychodynamic Counseling Improves Relationships
Many of us have experienced moments in our relationships where we feel misunderstood, overly reactive, or trapped in repeating patterns of conflict. Whether it’s with our children, our partners, or our peers, these moments can leave us feeling resentful, frustrated, and disconnected . Psychodynamic counseling offers a powerful way to address these challenges by helping us understand the root causes of our behaviors, perceptions, and emotional reactivity. By gaining insight into our past—particularly our early experiences with our parents/caregivers—we can start to make sense of why we react the way we do to current life challenges.
A key element of psychodynamic counseling is exploring our childhood experiences that shape our unconscious mind, influencing our behavior in ways we may not even realize. That is why Attachment work is a central theme here at Amala counseling. Through various assessments and techniques, we can identify unresolved emotions and narratives from the past that still play a significant role in our day-to-day lives, especially in how we relate to others.
How Early Attachment Wounds Shape Our Behavior
Attachment theory plays a vital role in understanding how our early relationships with caregivers affect our ability to form healthy, secure connections as adults. When adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) are part of our history—we may have witnessed our caregivers displaying neglect, emotional unavailability, or inconsistency in emotional attunement—leading to the development of insecure attachments. Attachment wounds occur when parents/caregivers fail to help us process our emotional needs during a difficult time, leaving us to manage overwhelming feelings on our own.
As children, we are highly attuned to our caregivers, we rely on them for emotional regulation and connection. If we are left unsupported or felt that our emotions were dismissed during emotionally intense situations, we develop parts within ourselves that carry unresolved emotions, such as fear, anger, shame, or guilt. These parts reside in our unconscious mind and continue to influence our developmental journey. They become what we now recognize as "triggers"—situations cause us to react in ways that feel automatic, intense, or out of proportion to the moment.
Fast forward to adulthood, and these parts continue to influence behavior. In a romantic relationship, for example, the person might instinctively shut down, become passive aggressive, or avoid confrontation, just as they did as a child or witnessed as a child. Or, they might feel a deep sense of distrust toward their partner, aversive to any vulnerability that emotional closeness may yield. These reactions, rooted in early attachment wounds, can prevent the person from forming healthy, secure relationships, leaving their partners confused, frustrated and emotionally disconnected.
How Psychodynamic Counseling Helps With Healing
Psychodynamic counseling is designed to bring into our awareness these unconscious patterns and the parts that got developed as a result of early attachment wounds. By understanding how our past experiences shaped the parts of us that carry intense or repressed emotions, we can begin to use mindfulness to help us identify our parts that are on autopilot. The goal of this type of therapy is to help shift our default emotional reactions—i.e. survival mechanisms developed in childhood—into healthier, more secure ways of relating to ourselves and others. Exploring these parts helps to understand their origins, validate emotions, and begin to rewrite stories with a truer narrative.
A safe and supportive environment where these parts are seen without judgment is crucial. As we become more aware of the attachment wounds, we can start to catch ourselves when our default parts get activated. In essence, psychodynamic counseling helps us move from survival mode—where our unconscious parts are always on autopilot, ready to protect us from perceived threats—to a place of thriving, where we can engage in relationships from a position of security and trust. We begin to shift our emotional responses to better serve us in the present. This shift not only improves our relationships but also helps us feel more empowered and authentic in all aspects of life.
Psychodynamic therapy offers the opportunity to heal from the inside out, creating lasting change that leads to healthier relationships, improved emotional regulation, and a deeper connection to oneself and others.
